break up

i never want to hear those two words come out of your mouth. got it?

looking back, what if i really gave up that day. after you tried so hard to push me away, what if i just turned around and walked? we wouldn't be together right now. can you imagine it? having to go back to the days where we were lonely. where i can't just go to your house when i have nothing to do. we'd go back to our old selves, when we didn't have each other. i don't want to think about it, but it happened. i don't want to end something great over something stupid. anything can be fixed if we talk it out, together. cause this is our relationship, involving the both of us and we're going to be in this together.

i guess nowadays, i don't know if i should show as much affection towards you as you want me to. you're so hard to read. i feel like we're going back to before. where i didn't know how you felt or what was the real you. you say all these hurtful things to me and it really makes me want to break down. the more you say something, the more you start to believe it. that's what i think. after the first time you broke up with me, it's probably easier to say it the second time. it may just be two words, but it can end everything right there and then. don't let your anger get the best of us.

you can't feel the way i felt when you say those things to me. or when you broke up with me. i just want to stop everything i'm doing, just to make you feel better. i don't even care about the world around me. but did you ever stop to think how hurt i could be feeling? or what would happen after? if i walk away, would you chase after me and tell me not to go? i really didn't know what to do.

i want to stop hurting. i want there to be more happy times than sad times, where all we do is argue. you're supposed to be the one i lean on when there's no one else. the one i know i can always go to. to do everything with me, for me and because of me. i don't want to be alone, ever. especially when i cry. maybe i'm asking for too much or i watched too many dramas. but is this what i deserve?

i get really insecure. when i'm around you with no make up, or what i look when i wake up in the morning. i wish you could be the one to give me confidence instead of agreeing with me when i talk about myself with such low self esteem. i know my body isn't slim, and my face isn't pretty without make up. but i promise deep down, i can be the most wonderful person in your eyes. i'll love you with everything i have even if i'm not perfect.

i feel like i'm writing a letter to you, but i'm not. i'm not sure if i want you to read it. what would your reaction be? would you feel hurt, confused, whatever, mad or upset? can you just try to reason with me and see things from my point of view? i'm not looking to argue with you, this is just merely how i feel. i've bottled up a lot inside and i just want to vent it out. but if i said these to you, would things change?