TMD - -''

two days ago, bb and i were unhappy cause i went to flushing with the girls and it was too late to meet up with him so i went home after to get my stuff and i went over to surprise him at his house and i called my mom to tell her i'm not going home for two days. then i figured out that he was talking to my cousin which i told him not to and ugh made me so mad. i feel like i always do things to try and make up and make him happy but maybe i'm doing too much when i don't receive enough.

yesterday all we did was stay home even though it was the last day of 2010. eh new years isn't a big deal really. we watched the ball drop online which was boring hah. well someone had to ruin the whole fucking night. his exgirlfriend kept calling him and i told him to pick up. she was crying and stuff and asking about why i'm still at his house and she said she's gonna cut herself, take pills, and trying to make him feel sorry for her. you know what i hate the most? people who cheat, homewreckers, and social climbers. i was so mad, but i couldn't cry anymore. i'm starting to realize that i'm running out of tears. and when i finally don't have anymore tears to cry, that's when you know i stopped caring. i hate crying in front of you. i try so hard not to, but i can't help it. you just get so annoyed when i cry but i'm sorry that i'm emotional and sensitive. i'm sorry that i'm hurting inside cause i just like you that much to care. why didn't you let me listen or read the text? if you had nothing to hide, then you would've let me know everything. and you ask why i don't trust you. prove yourself to me.. cause i think i've done a lot to be a better girlfriend for you. i do things i feel like you should do for me. you said i cry cause i did something wrong. so you feel bad that she's crying cause she didn't. can you open your eyes? can you think about how i'm feeling? i cry so hard for you and get no comfort. you're my boyfriend, who else do you expect me to go when i'm hurt? all i can do is spill out my feelings on here. my freaking blog which isn't going to protect me and stop me from hurting.

you said you don't love me as much as you loved her. cause i never made you cry. i realized that i never hurt you, i just make you mad. i'll never be as important as she was to you or worth it for you to put in effort for me. i wish i could this to your face, but you don't give me the chance to. you won't understand, until you're in my shoes. i've learned to appreciate everything i have when it's still here. when i'm gone, will you realize? i always ask myself, am i a bad girlfriend? truth is, i'm really not. i've done my best, i've tried multiple times. there will come a day when i can't take all of it anymore.

is my purpose in this world to satisfy everyone else? 请你告诉我。。