the tears came back

for some reason, i feel so stressed today. college applications are due february first, i have to hand in all my work by this week cause the marking period is ending, i better get a 65 or above in english or i have summer school, uniqlo just told me i can't fking work until august cause i'm not 18, and everything is just getting to me. i don't know what else to do than to blog about it and cry. i really want to go to that special someone, the only person, who can make me feel better. but i've tried and it hasn't helped. i also want him to come to me when he's stressed out and needs me, cause i'll be right here. why am i like this and i don't even have my period?!?!

after he broke up with me, i've tried my best to reassure him. to show him how much he matters to me and how important he is in my life. i don't want him to leave me again. what else do i have to do? i'm fine with doing all i can, but sometimes i feel so discouraged because he doesn't show the same for me. you don't try as much as you used to. you don't do special things for me anymore. you don't say how much you miss me or love me. i feel like you've given up on me, on us.

why can't you comfort me? why do you just go along with everything i say? do you honestly think i'm okay when i say i am? i feel so hurt but i'm hiding that from you because i know you hate when i cry.

i've been watching tori and dean all day today cause of the marathon. they've been together for four years, they're married and have two kids. i'm so envious of their relationship. the sweet things they do for each other. the love they show each other. the surprises, everything. they always try to fix their relationship. everytime they have to leave each other, they cry. the guy gave up so much for his wife, the hobby that he loves. she freaked out when she found out he fell off the track while riding his motorcycle. on valentine's day, he flew five hours just to surprise her and it was so sweet. hopefully my marriage will be like that too?? i think this is why i'm sad over my relationship. i don't want us both to be so childish about everything anymore. us being childish means so much arguments over stupid stuff.