i kinda thought about what sammi said on jersey shore's episode tonight about ronni. she said "why do i love someone who disrespects me so much?" sometimes i feel like i'm alone, like nobody else understands how i'm feeling. even though i don't like her, i feel the pain that ronni puts her through and the position she's in.
so today, while we were walking back to his house, i was thinking a lot. about the way i get mistreated and i don't deserve to be treated this way. i just put my head down and cry while the other person says hurtful things to me and blames me. honestly, after my past relationships, i thought i've learned my lesson. but now i don't think i did. i told myself nobody is too good for me and i shouldn't be doing the chasing. why do i feel like i've totally forgot what i told myself this summer?
sometimes i feel like you don't listen to the things i tell you. you hear, but you don't listen. i'm trying to make things right but you just want to run away when i confront you. this is why i blog about my feelings instead of saying them because apparently, they're annoying.
can you replay the things you've said to me in your head? replay it over and over and tell me how you'd react if i said that to you. when you get mad, you just tell me you don't want to see my face ever again. that i'm a bad girlfriend and i make a fool out of you. can you hear yourself talk? do you even think about how i would feel when you say those things? these tears aren't caused by myself, they're because of you. for once, i'd like to know what it feels to be comforted. when i sit there and cry, does it even matter to you?
you said you don't know if i love you or not. have i not proven myself enough? after all the things i've done for you? and said to you? and wrote about you? i don't understand.
i never meant to hurt you. but it must feel good to know that i'm hurting just as much or even more than you're hurting huh..
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