I was really pissed off today. Ever since I was small, I was picked on and criticized by family members and friends. I get so much hate online, but it hurts so much more when it's coming from people who actually knows you in real life. People who have gotten to know you from time to time.

When people talk about me online, they don't know me. They just see what I choose to post up. They've never spoken to me or tried to get to know me but judge on what they've read. Why do such people with no lives even bother to take time out of their day to write mean things to me? Haters don't phase me anymore. I'm not going to please anonymous people who try to break me so they can be better than me.

Ever since I was little, family friends and members would make fun of me. It's not funny you know? You act like it's okay to not embarrass yourself in front of them, but you really feel like crying out loud. They would say that I'm really selfish, or I cry a lot or my sister is better than me. They'll laugh at the things I do or say and honestly, I don't understand what's so funny. Do they like picking on me? Even now, I see family friends who say I've gotten fatter or my sister isn't as lazy as me. Honestly, at times I just wanted to tell them to shut up.

I told my mom that I wanted to enter the pageant. And you know what she did? Laugh. She had the funniest face expression and she doubted me. Everyone doubts me. She asked me if I was qualified.

Today, I showed her pictures of previous winners. She said "you're not tall enough." Well duh, they're wearing heels. "Your hair isn't as pretty as theirs." You don't have to be plastic to be in the competition. Not everything is about looks. I look this way because of my parents' genes so why is she criticizing it? Wouldn't it be better as a mom, to show some support? To tell me to go do this, and learn more things.

My ex boyfriend used to tell me to lose weight. To go to the gym. To slim up my legs. He'd show me pictures of famous girls with a perfect body. I don't need someone to tear me down so they could feel better about themselves. I look back, and hated myself for putting up with these comments. After hearing it from him so many times, I start to look at myself in different way. I started to hate my body and how I look even more. It honestly made me feel like shit.

I love the way I am. I'm NEVER going to change a thing about myself that displeases anyone else. I love my eyes and how I have double eyelids. I love my smile because I do it all the time. I love my legs even though my thighs aren't stick thin. I love my height because it's average. I love who I've grown up to be and this is me. If you truly, TRULY loved me, you wouldn't care about my looks. You would support me until the end. You would have faith in me, to accomplish the things I've started.

One day, I'm going to make it big. I'm going to be someone that everyone will be proud of. I'll prove you ALL wrong. And when I'm up there making a speech, don't expect a "Thank you" from me. Because all you've done, was bring me down.