the thing i really want to achieve is lose weight. not for anyone else, but for me. i want to look in the mirror and not have to criticize anything. i want to sit down and not have to suck in all my fat. i just want to accept everything about myself, so i can love myself, and not care if anyone else has a problem with me. and i think if i got skinnier, my face will be less big and i'll look better hahaha.

ivy, be happy no matter what

i realized whenever i put my heart into something, i always get hurt and heart broken. i put you first, in front of everyone, in front of myself. sometimes i really wish i could stop caring and make you feel the way you make me feel. that horrible pain in my chest when i just want to cry my heart out but realize that no one cares. can you open your eyes and appreciate what you have right in front of you. i have so many more things to say, but nothing will get through to you. so i'm gonna stop writing this post.

quotes & pictures

so bored right now. stuck @ home on a saturday doing homework so i'm gonna keep posting random stuff on here aha. these quotes are found on tumblr.com soooo yeah, not mine. and they don't all have something to do with me. just stuff i agree with

When we can be comfortable around each other to the point where we can walk around the house naked and not care about the flaws or how fat the other person is. Or make ugly faces at each other and still think they’re the most adorable person in the world. I want someone I can be comfortable around. Making fun of each others flaws, but at the end of the day we couldn’t like each other more…

“Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.”

Keep this in mind, one day, there's going to be a guy who's going to love you, your body, your smile, the way you walk, the way you talk, he's going to love you. And you're going to feel confident and on top of the world. One day, you won't feel insecure because you have someone who loves you for who you are. And I think that's when you know it's love. When instead of feeling like you have to hide your flaws, and feel insecure and embarrassed, you feel unashamed, free, secure, safe, proud, happy, confident. You feel loved.

“Tough times never last, but tough people do.”

“It’s the prettiest people who are painfully insecure.”

"Don't believe what they say, believe what they do."

I'd rather make a boy's heart race, than make his dick go hard.

^ LOL

It's refreshing to hear a guy say "I made plans for us" instead of the usual "I dunno, it's whatever YOU wanna do."

“I’m not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I have those things already. I want a steady hand. A kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake, knowing my heart is safe. I want to love, and be loved.”

Guys need to stop pretending to be sweethearts saying shit like "oh girls need to stop putting on make-up, you're all beautiful the way you are." Seriously, if we didn't put on make-up, do our hair, and dress the way we do, you wouldn't even take a second glance at us.

2k11 resolutions and more

• keep my priorities straight. school, work, bf, family, friends, faith
• visit my fort lee friends more and not drift away from friends
• save my money and stop buying useless stuff
• lose weight and get fit
• stop slacking in school and not be lazy
• finish college apps and get into a good school
• stop using my heart (...)
• be more responsible and mature
• get a good job that pays well
• argue less with the boyfriend and last
• help more around the house, do chores
• do stuff for a good cause, donate and help the poor
• have the best 18th birthday ever
• live my life better this year than i did last year

looking forward to:

• graduation!
• vacation with my boyfriend
• summertime
• being a college student
• holdays
• everyday

so many pictures

i wish blogspot can have slideshows, or maybe we can with a code? eh too lazy

well today i rushed in the morning from bb's house to go to work and mindy tells me that i don't have to work. i could've stayed in queens another day but too late now and i gotta start on my homework. having such a bad week and i really don't want school to start. cause i'll be seeing baby less and less.

girls' day out

love my new a&f jacket 

at bb's house on new years eve with pjs and no make up ew

Got to end 2010 with him, begin 2011 with him ♥

hopefully at this time next year, we'll still be together

TMD - -''

two days ago, bb and i were unhappy cause i went to flushing with the girls and it was too late to meet up with him so i went home after to get my stuff and i went over to surprise him at his house and i called my mom to tell her i'm not going home for two days. then i figured out that he was talking to my cousin which i told him not to and ugh made me so mad. i feel like i always do things to try and make up and make him happy but maybe i'm doing too much when i don't receive enough.

yesterday all we did was stay home even though it was the last day of 2010. eh new years isn't a big deal really. we watched the ball drop online which was boring hah. well someone had to ruin the whole fucking night. his exgirlfriend kept calling him and i told him to pick up. she was crying and stuff and asking about why i'm still at his house and she said she's gonna cut herself, take pills, and trying to make him feel sorry for her. you know what i hate the most? people who cheat, homewreckers, and social climbers. i was so mad, but i couldn't cry anymore. i'm starting to realize that i'm running out of tears. and when i finally don't have anymore tears to cry, that's when you know i stopped caring. i hate crying in front of you. i try so hard not to, but i can't help it. you just get so annoyed when i cry but i'm sorry that i'm emotional and sensitive. i'm sorry that i'm hurting inside cause i just like you that much to care. why didn't you let me listen or read the text? if you had nothing to hide, then you would've let me know everything. and you ask why i don't trust you. prove yourself to me.. cause i think i've done a lot to be a better girlfriend for you. i do things i feel like you should do for me. you said i cry cause i did something wrong. so you feel bad that she's crying cause she didn't. can you open your eyes? can you think about how i'm feeling? i cry so hard for you and get no comfort. you're my boyfriend, who else do you expect me to go when i'm hurt? all i can do is spill out my feelings on here. my freaking blog which isn't going to protect me and stop me from hurting.

you said you don't love me as much as you loved her. cause i never made you cry. i realized that i never hurt you, i just make you mad. i'll never be as important as she was to you or worth it for you to put in effort for me. i wish i could this to your face, but you don't give me the chance to. you won't understand, until you're in my shoes. i've learned to appreciate everything i have when it's still here. when i'm gone, will you realize? i always ask myself, am i a bad girlfriend? truth is, i'm really not. i've done my best, i've tried multiple times. there will come a day when i can't take all of it anymore.

is my purpose in this world to satisfy everyone else? 请你告诉我。。